You Need To Be Looked After, Like, Uh, Kid
by PurpleLightsGleam
Summary: HaRlEy and JoKeR smut


_** ~Not my best work tbh~**_

Harley skipped down the hall of the "house" her and Mr. J shared. She paused when she noticed the bathroom door was left unlocked while he was in the shower. She slipped into the room and hoped the sound of the water covered up the squeak of the door. She stripped down to nothing and stepped in behind the curtain. He was standing with his back towards her and she would no doubt startle him.

He turned around to see her attempting a sexy pose. He just sighed, "Harley, uh, not right now, I have to, uh, get back to work after this."

"But-But, puddin'! You're always working on those plans for bats! Just take a short break," she stuck out her lip at him.

"I said no, Harley!" he growled. He picked up the shampoo and turned around again. The background sound of her constant complaining made his head hurt. He squeezed out the bottle of shampoo onto the bath floor. It oozed down the slightly slanted porcelain. He turned back around and gestured for her to come close. After she took her first step her foot slide under the slippery soap. She went flying-and not into Joker's arms. She hit her head pretty hard on the side of the tub. Joker turned off the water and stepped over her passed out body. At least now he could get some work done.

Harley had high hopes for tonight. Joker had hinted about tonight being special and she knew exactly what she meant. She got all dolled up and strutted into his office.

"Puddin', you ever coming to bed? I can't wait for tonight to be extra special!" she beamed.

"Ha-ha-Harley, what are you talkin' about?" he mumbled while scribbling down a sketch of the batman.

"You said, remember, this mornin', you said tonight was going to be special, and- and then you kissed me!"

"You should never assume things, sweetie. Tonight is special because tonight," he paused solely for the dramatic effect, "I will kill the batman!" He burst in to a fit of giggles and fell back in his chair. Harley walked over and sat on his lap.

"Mista J, we haven't had any alone time in months! How do you live like this? I'm ova here dyin'!" her words sparked an interest to him. He picked her up and walked to the door.

"You know what, Harls, some alone time does sound nice," He opened the door and threw her out it, "So leave me alone!" he growled and slammed the door.

Joker had just gotten back from his weekly journey to kill the batman. He was clearly unsuccessful and now was feeling a hint of guilt for blowing Harley off so much recently. He locked the front door behind him and dropped his jacket on the floor.

"Oh, Baby!" he yelled up the stairs. Half way up to their room he heard some strangely familiar noises coming from one of the henchmen's rooms. He stomped back down the stairs and stopped outside the closes door.

As he swung open the door he saw something he would never be able to scrub out of his memory. Harley and one of his better looking henchmen, all over each other.

"HARLEY!" he boomed. She instantly looked up and threw the man off of her.

"J! did you catch the bats?" She asked as if he hadn't just found her disobeying him.

"GET UPSTAIRS, NOW, HARLEY!" She could tell he didn't think this joke was funny. Not wanting to get into further trouble she made her way upstairs with a sheet hanging around her otherwise naked body. She got to the top of the staircase when a gunshot startled her. What did she expect J to do when he found out?

She sat patiently on their bed waiting for him. The door crept open and he appeared, blood smeared onto his makeup-less face over his scars. Harley gasped. He sat down abruptly next to her and pulled her over his knee.

"Puddin'!" she whined as his hand collided with her butt. The blows got harder and harder and she could feel the rage radiating off him. She just prayed he wouldn't get the paddle.

"Harley, you are so bad! What, uh, do I not give you enough attention? What _is_ your problem? You need to be looked after like, uh, kid! Or you go off getting into trouble. He pulled her off him and they both stood up. She was only on her feet for a second before he threw her back down on the bed, quickly crawling on top of her.

"You think you can just do whatever the fuck you want, huh? You think you can go around having sex with my men? And that I wouldn't find out? Oh Harley are you in for it tonight," he grumbled in her ear. She squirmed beneath him.

He sat back and pulled off his shirt. He delivered a blow to the side of her head. Soon his pants found themselves on a pile on the floor. He wrapped his hands around her neck and squeezed fairly hard as he entered her. He thrust into her at a unpredictable pace.

Harley's face was turning red and she was about to pass out. She felt his muscles convulse and his grip on her throat tightened. He let go suddenly and plopped down next to her.

"Get on your knees, Harley," the way he said her name made her go crazy. She sat up and complied.

"Now, close your eyes," she thought she was going to be in for a treat but he had a different idea/. She felt the cold metal of the gun they left in the nightstand against her forehead.

"Now, Harley, sweetie, if I can't trust you I'd have to kill you. You, uh, know that, right? If you're sleeping with my men, you could be sleeping with the batman! And we would wan-t tha-t." he pressed the gun harder into the side of her head now.

"If this ever happens again, I'll. Blow. You, Away," and with the last world he pulled the trigger. Harley gasped, her eyes snapped open. She giggled along with J when she realized that it was just a toy gun pressed to her head, not a real own.

"Oh, Puddin, I knew you could never kill me!" She wrapped her arms around him and they toppled over onto the bed. "All I wanted was some sugar, I got that now!" She laughed. Joker pushe her off of the bed onto the floor and laughed looking down at her.

At first she didn't think it was funny but when he pulled the obviously real gun from under his pillow she realized how hilarious it truly was.


End file.
